Marriage is the Real Deal, Folks

First and foremost, I want to make something clear: I am 110% about marrige equality. I have written countless papers, made countless presentations, posted endless articles on Facebook, participated in many discussions - you get the picture. This is not to say that I've done enough; in my opinion, we've not done enough until the issue is no longer. However, I am going to let the past Bees that have written so eloquently  (and President Obama, who spoke so eloquently) on this topic exist without my lengthy addition.

Moving on - the land from which Mr. Palm Tree and I hail is small (I've probably mentioned that 9094832908 times). Small in terms of mind, people and area. I've made no secret that I'm not a big fan of it and I try to distance myself from it as much as possible. I say this because I think (or maybe it's just that I hope) its all-around smallness contributes to the lack of seriousness, for lack of a better term, surrounding marriage.

source | Then again, instances like this exist and Kim Kardashian sure isn't from a small town fifty miles north of Pittsburgh, PA. 

Despite growing up with a really, really rocky (understatement) example of a marriage, I have always valued it. I have always known - or rather, held out hope for what it should be instead of what I saw. Sure, when I was younger I romanticized it (who doesn't?) but as I grew up I started to place importance on what I felt were the true touchstones of a good marriage: stability, trust, partnership, love, communication.

The Palm Trees had been dating for almost eight years when he proposed. Were we 'young'? Sure, I guess by some standards: I was 22 and he was 24. When we get married, I will be 24 and he will be 25. To me, age doesn't so much matter as where we are in our lives. We are both adults, we have both went through college and obtained degrees, we feel as though we are ready to take the next step in our life - and maybe that's the biggest thing. We recognize this as a step. We recognize being engaged as what it is: a step toward marriage, a very long and lasting life full of stability, trust, partnership, love, communication.

Engagement Picture from the vault, from the wonderful Limelight-Images | A pretty accurate portrayal of our true selves.

Then, I read about, or hear about, or see on TV, or witness firsthand these 'sham' marriages. Marriages that last 72 days, women on their fifth or sixth marriage, men who seemingly put rings on it every time they hear the opening chords of Single Ladies. And it sort of cheapens the whole thing. To me, an engagement is A Big Thing. Something that deserves celebration and respect. Something that changes and elevates things - despite the cliches stating exactly the opposite used to assuage the commitaphobes. I mean, if you are in love and already committed, with a shared vision of your future, it might not change the game itself but it at least introduces a new playing field. These folks that play hokey-pokey with engagements and marriages, though, they make those of us who are trying to step up to plate seem like we're still out back in the practice field, you know?

Now, this is not meant to be a prove yourself! declare your legitimacy! call to action. Far from it - I'm not trying to show off my brand new pair of judgeypants. I just wish that marriage was taken seriously: seriously as an institution, seriously as a standpoint from the people about to enter into it. I wish it were valued for what it is: a lifelong commitment to another person, to trusting another person entirely and with everything you have, for better or for worse. 

I'm also not trying to say that I see engagements and marriages in black-and-white. I know that things happen, that there are circumstances that result in fabric tears beyond repair. I am not a believer in For Life: NO MATTER WHAT. There are some situations that result in necessary measures and I get that, I really do and furthermore, I respect it. I promise.

What I don't get are sixteen year old's rushing to get their significant others to put a ring on it. What I don't get are people like Leah from MTV's Teen Mom 2, getting married to her twins' father, getting divorced within the first year and then getting engaged (and eventually pregnant) months after the divorce is finalized. Do I know her full, real story? Even though it might be referred to as a 'reality' TV show, I am well aware that the answer is no. People like Leah, though - people who think marriage is an answer, something 'easy', people who look at Divorce as an 'out'. "Well, if it doesn't work out, at least it doesn't have to be for forever."

I simply don't see it that way and neither does the love of my life, who also grew up with a somewhat rocky example of marriage. We're all in, baby. Are you?

Does anyone have really strong views on marriage? Anyone want to throw rocks at me and tell me to get off of my soapbox? ;) 

Sidenote: Honestly, this post was fueled by a Teen Mom marathon, during which I realized I was talking to the TV entirely too much and could let my fingers do the talking instead. I just wanted to disclaimer this in hopes of avoiding a war or anyone feeling personally attacked - not the intent, promise.