How We Plan a Wedding

True Confessions: there have been times throughout the wedding planning process that I may or may not have overlooked the Groom. I wouldn't say that Mr. Palm Tree isn't involved, just that he falls into more of a 'typical' category. I think this is for two reasons: one, because he knows how I am and knows that I am a control-freak and super decisive and it's just easier to let me Captain this ship and two, because he is so naturally easy-going and laidback. 

It's one of the things I love the most about him, one of the reasons why I really feel like we're puzzle pieces: we're both so incredibly different apart, but when you put us together, we just fit. Planning our wedding has really solidified this, but moreso, it has made me appreciate the understanding that we both have of and for one another.

personal photo | Palm Trees at the Sadie Hawkins Dance, circa 2004.

I understand how Mr. Palm Tree is: I know he needs his alone time, I know he values being in his 'zone'. I know that pressed to make a decision, he will likely freak out and feel unsettled. I know that if plans are sprung on him, he will balk and feel unnerved; I know that 'sprung' can mean a day in advance to him. In wedding perspective, this is all ten-fold.

Similarly, Mr. Palm Tree understands me. He knows that I have a need for control and that I am a decision-maker. He trusts that I will get things done that need done and fill him in later, as needed. He also knows that I need patience, that I need to be reassured and appreciated every once in a while.

For instance: I recently worked for hours on wedding-related things. I worked out the kinks of the day-of timeline, I worked on our programs, I sent necessarily emails and finalized ceremony music. After looking everything over and providing his input, he specifically said to me, "I'm so lucky to have a wife-to-be that cares so much about every little detail." This, folks, is how we operate. This is how we plan a wedding: I do, he reviews and adds insight when needed and then it's discussed, confirmed, validated, etc.

I realize this may come across as a little 'I need praise'-y. I don't necessarily think that that's it, but I'd be lying if I said that my feelings wouldn't have been hurt had he just walked away without a word after everything. Whatever it is, whether it's a good, bad, needy or combination of all three trait of mine, after all of these years he understands that about me. Just as I understand to not walk in front of the TV while he's playing video games. ;)

I know that everyone is different. I know that what works for us might not work for some and that's okay. The bottom line is that it's important to figure out what DOES work - even if it's by trial and error. I'm a big proponent of open, constant communication: ask your spouse-to-be how involved he/she wants to be. I know that toward the beginning of the process, I asked the mister what was important to him. Not that all of it isn't, just that some things are valued more than others. He specifically mentioned the cake, for instance, so other than saving some pictures to our Cakespiration (so clever, I know) file, I've mostly kept out of that process. 

The most important thing is to find a way of doing things that makes this process enjoyable for BOTH of you. 

Anyone have any interesting or unique approaches to wedding planning?