The Miss to Mrs. Adventures: A Few Things THIS Bride Wants HER Bridesmaids to Know

Last week, this article from TheKnot popped up in my email: "9 Things Your Bridesmaids Want You to Know". I read it, as I always do, and agreed with most of them, even if they were a little obviously stated (of COURSE they want you to stay their friend, duh).

I know that it's likely the Bridezilla phase that caused this: brides getting too caught up in and overwhelmed by the planning and idea of their Big Day that they go all kinds of coocoo for Cocoa Puffs.

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It really is nice to be reminded to keep others in perspective. Your bridal party is likely going all out for you and they deserve to be respected, loved, acknowledged, etc. That having been said. . .what about the things brides want their bridesmaids to know?

I'm not delusional; I would never say I could or would speak for All Brides. I can only speak for myself. . .and I say: hey, girls: I love you and read these 9 things and promise to appreciate you 'till the cows come home - but there are a few things I wanted to share with you, too.

source | Preach, Ryan Gosling. Preach.

- Don't be alarmed by my emotions. My wedding planning journey, and the wedding itself, is on the Unusual shelf in the back of the bookstore. This is not said for hopes of pity, but instead, as an explanation. My mother is not a part of this process and will not be there to help me step into my dress on the Big Day. While that's the big Milestone Moment, there are going to be countless times between now and then when I am, well, a little emotional. It's not just the lack of a mommy, it's the lack of a lot of things/people: as I mentioned briefly in this post, I'm used to doing things by myself and being self-sufficient and I'm branching out and doing my best to include and (more notably) rely on people. To say this sets me on edge is putting it lightly. A few other emotions that will inevitably pop up: missing my Grandmother; freaking out because It's Getting More Real; snapping on anyone that even so much as toes the line of messing up plans; freaking out and throwing any DIY project I will attempt to complete; simultaneously crying for no and every reason, all at once. I just ask that you summon every ounce of patience and deal with me as you've all learned how to over the years, whether that's to let me have my hissy or to calm me down, whether it's to commiserate with me (can I get a "F--- THAT NOISE!"? No? I totes hear it in my head) or step in and deal with whatever is causing the misery in the first place - just don't give up on me. I know I sometimes rocket into outer space in my moods, but I always end up with my feet back on the ground. . .it's just going to happen a lot more frequently, and take a little bit longer.

- Please trust that I know how much a wedding costs and that I don't want you to go broke, either. I recently heard about a 14-person wedding party balking and being upset over contributing to a $500 gift card for the couple. Yup, that's right: less than $36 per person ($35.14 if we're getting serious). Of course, there could be extenuating factors: this particular bride and groom could have been incredibly demanding and selfish, they could have been inconsiderate with super high expectations - but, in this case, they weren't. The wedding party was the guilty party. I by no means expect lavish gifts or fancy things. I'm still me, and Jon is still Jon: we get excited when people buy us shots, let's be real. I will work hard to make sure that everything is reasonably priced and I will be mindful that we are essentially all working on some sort of a budget. If you're having a serious issue with paying for things, pleasepleaseplease talk to me about it; I promise not to turn into an Ultimatum Bride about it. Please remember that I am going to do everything I can to minimize the cost and even though I can't make it zero, I will do my best to make up for it in ever-flowing cups of booze, ~~barely-remembered~~ memories and lots of super sappy declarations of my love for you all.

- Put yourself in my shoes. Number six on TheKnot's list instructs that the bridesmaids want the bride to put herself in their shoes. It ends with a suggestion to ask oneself, "Would I do this for her?" every time the bride is going to ask a member of the BM to do something. Girls, I love all of you with all of my heart and this should come with little to no surprise: I have absolutely ZERO doubt in my mind that I would anything for you all, especially anything you ask of me to help you celebrate getting married to the love of your life. I will undoubtedly be asking for a lot, especially in the 'help?' category, but I promise to do the same, in turn, for each and every one of you should you ask me to do so.

- I assure you that my expectations are simple. Let's call a Spade a Spade here, folks: I am a looney toon. I know my faults and as a friend, I can be fairly demanding, overbearing and possessive. As a Bride, I know for a fact that I will be these things as well. That having been said, I do not expect anyone to nail down every detail, take care of every vendor, assemble every centerpiece. . .well, we're not even having centerpieces, but that's beside the point. The point is that I don't expect anyone to move mountains for me/us. I do, however, expect you to be there. If 'there' means helping me make address labels, well, I'm sorry it's so damn boring (because it really, really is), but it needs to be done. If 'there' means being there while I bounce ideas off of you, then please engage in conversation with me. If 'there' means sending emails because I can't - for whatever reason - send them myself, then send the freakin' email. If 'there' means spending the night before the wedding with me in all of my slightly-buzzed, ball-of-nerves glory (and, heads up: it will), then please plan appropriately for a sleepover. I am very aware that we all have lives and I am by no means suggesting you give all of yours up because you're in our wedding, but I do expect you to acknowledge that I, that we, that this wedding is a part of your life.

I realize that these days, stating anything in a matter-of-fact tone can imply Bridezilla. That is certainly not my objective; I just want my bridal party to know that they are, in fact, appreciated and of course there are, in fact, expectations - but I will never forget that before this wedding, we were friends (/relatives/ciffers in one case) and that will always take precedence.