Then and Now: Miss Palm Tree's Version

After my recent dramatic post, I've decided to regale you all with hilarity in the form of my past. I've mentioned once or twice that I was kind of a bitch in high school, but this time there are PICTURES.

all photos personal

THEN:

Sophomore year of high school. Oh yeah, guys, this is real - except, I didn't say any of that. One of my classmates was on the yearbook committee and they needed a filler, so they used me. One of my first claims to fame. ;)

In high school, I was such an affected, miserable girl. I felt like I had no place in the world. Don't get me wrong, I had fun for a lot of it and I wasn't, like, pushing people into lockers or anything. I was mostly just a bit of a know-it-all with a chip on my sleeve. I think my attitude was basically, "yeah, well, my life is tough and I'm better than this high school and I CAN'T WAIT TO LEAVE and never come back, so THERE." You know. 

Before Mr. Palm Tree and I started dating, I was all "I don't want to find a boyfriend in high school. Why do I want to be tied down? There's no one here for me, anyway." I was serious, too. I remember hanging out with BM Tiny Dancer one night shortly after Mr. Palm Tree and I started dating and her saying, "I can't believe this is all coming out of your mouth. You didn't want any of this but you seem so much. . .happier." 

I was, but I was still miserable. Mr. Palm Tree left for college after my sophomore year and oh me, oh my, those last two years of my high school life were elevated to a whole new level of 'rough'. I was active in a few extracurricular's - I was editor of the school newspaper, I was in Spanish Club, the National Honor Society and I was on student council. I participated in quite a few charity fundraisers, like Bowling for Kid's Sake and Relay for Life. I was in Pennyslvania's Junior Miss pageant scholarship program my junior year and I was also in our high school's production of Beauty and the Beast. I worked at Hoss's Steak and Seahouse ("Hoss's is HOSS-pitality!" anyone?). For me, though, there was always an end game. It was always the goal to get out of my miserable hometown and leave behind my miserable life - this is literally how I would think. I was so uncomfortable in my own skin; I would get caught up in funk after funk and would just think about how much potential I was wasting. It was not a pleasant situation - for me, or the people around me. Those poor unfortunate souls. YIKES. Mr. PT, especially. He really does deserve a ton of credit. I was so needy, so clingy and allll kinds of crazy. Again, I say: YIKES.

MOH Mem and I at our senior prom

Us at my senior prom

I remember when things changed for me very vividly. It was Mr. Palm Tree's sophomore year of college (my senior year of high school) and I visited him over Labor Day weekend. This is when I met Best Man R, who was living with Mr. Palm Tree as they had known each other freshman year. We went to a party together and everything just kind of clicked. Best Man R and I became insta-friends and Mr. PT was so happy. I kind of relaxed as I was walking around Pitt's campus that night - I felt like I could finally be 'me', as emo-riffic as that sounds.

I think that for a lot of teenagers, there's a whole 'find yourself' process but I think for me, it was more like I had always known who I was, or could/would be. I just wouldn't let myself be her and was so used to being on-edge and defensive and unaccepted. After that weekend, though, I really felt like a weight was lifted. I felt like Mr. Palm Tree was finding his way in college and that I would, too. I remember thinking "wow, I can be myself. People LIKE me." The following weekend, I went back to visit and I met a group of girls (that can be found here) that really and truly changed my life - BM Blackout and Friend B (who is reading in our ceremony) are amongst these girls. The cementing 'you can be yourself' moment, for me, happened one weekend when I was visiting Mr. PT. It was a Friday night and we were walking to dinner when we saw Friend B on the street. She gave both of us one of the meanest, dirtiest looks imaginable and I was so surprised. I asked Mr. Palm Tree about one hundred times what he could have done to piss her off and he was clueless. It hit me in the middle of our chinese buffet, though: my hair was a completely different color than the last time she had seen me, so she didn't recognize me. Later that night, she came BURSTING into Mr. PT's dorm room and was ready to snap out before she realized it was me. I had a straight up Sally Fields moment, Hive.

NOW:

Now, I am a confident, generally happy, still fairly know-it-all-y twenty-four year old woman. I'm so excited about and pleased with my career and I'm so head-over-heels in love with the same person that I went to prom with all of those years ago. I have a lot more self-esteem, a much better outlook and state of mind. I have come so far since those rough, icky teenage years. I am much more comfortable in my skin and am proud of who I am. Although I am still a bit needy, I am also lightyears more secure in Mr. Palm Tree's and my relationship and there are only remnants of the high school version of us. I think it's a really special thing that we both held on to our relationship and let each other grow into the people we are today, instead of getting fed up with the people we were and letting go.

I've had dreams come true. . .

Better at 22 than never!

BM Blackout's family let me be a part of their DisneyWorld vacation in 2011. 

I've graduated from college. . .

with MOH Mem, DOC E and I the night of graduation - proud Carlow University 2011 Graduates!

I've been to Jamaica. . .

our vacation with the Y's last year | Can't wait to go back for our honeymoon!

I have some of the most amazing people in my life. . .

from left to right: GM Pythagoras, BM Blackout, Mr. Palm Tree, myself, MOH Mem, GM Y, BM Y and BM Tiny Dancer

Best Man R and I at Erin Express in Philly last year

FMIL Palm Tree, FSIL/BM Badonk, Mr. Palm Tree and myself at his family reunion this past summer

BM Blackout, DOC E, BM Tiny Dancer, myself, MOH Mem

The Y's and the Palm Tree's at a Steelers game

with Pie and Pad on a summer day

If I could say anything to my 'then' self, I would tell her to give herself - and the people around her - a break. That it would really and truly all be okay, even BETTER than okay, because life really would change for the best. I would tell her that college really will be everything she wants it to be and that she will make it. I would tell her that even though some things might not ever change, she'll find a point of peace and acceptance that will allow her to live her life as a fairly happy, bubbly, confident individual. I would tell her that a week from her wedding day, she'd be sitting and writing a blog post for an absolutely amazing wedding website and that she'd stumble across this picture while searching for oldies and goodies:

Palm Tress celebrating. . .or, rather, Miss Palm Tree celebrating and leaping and Mr. Palm Tree humoring her. ;) 

and she'd be reminded yet again that some things truly are meant to be and that she is about to marry the love of her life. What could be better than that?