One month ago today, I married the love of my life. I don't want to jump ahead of myself in terms of recaps and discuss the day in too much detail (still waiting on professional pictures, after all), but here's what I can tell you:
I remember feeling overwhelmed, but by love, not fear or anxiety. I remember having butterflies when the staff at our venue opened the door and I saw a room full of nearly two hundred people, ready and waiting to celebrate Mr. Palm Tree's and my love. I remember spending a morning with my best girlfriends in the entire world, getting ready and laughing and feeling loved and blessed. I remember when I left for our first look, feeling so happy and READY to see Mr. Palm Tree. I remember it being the best day of my entire life.
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| photo by BM Y - another sneak peek, this time of the getting ready pictures. Again, I don't want to give TOO much away, but both my something borrowed AND my something old are visible in this picture. . .as well as Mr. Palm Tree's deer, Lol. |
A month into marriage, I can say not much has changed. Mr. Palm Tree and I had been together for almost a decade and had been living together officially for about four years at the time of our wedding, so there really wasn't much TO change in that aspect.
I have noticed two significant changes, though. One is that Mr. Palm Tree has become incredibly sweet. He's always been sweet, don't get me wrong, but he's been more. . .aware. More purposefully sweet. I don't know if it was our honeymoon or me calling him "husband", but it's like a switch flipped. He cleans and picks up after himself - and me - without me having to tell him. I know how that sounds, but Hive, I don't really mean it to be crappy. Just that before, he would never have thought to put his dishes in the dishwasher when there was a perfectly good sink right there. Now, he not only puts his dishes in the dishwasher, but will run it. And then put the dishes away when it's finished. And then he re-loads it. . .after he does the laundry. I've been baffled and I've asked him over and over again what has prompted this and he simply says, "I want to be a good husband for you." It's not just housework, that's just the easiest example. Another one: he sent me a text yesterday that said, "Baby, tomorrow starts our monthaversary 'weekend'." I responded and told him that it was sweet and really thoughtful that he remembered, but I wasn't sure what he was referencing. He said, "Well traditionally our anniversary was the 27th [when we started dating] and now it's the 25th so I figured we'd throw in the 26th in for good measure and celebrate all three as a weekend, like how we tend to do for birthdays, etc." Mind = blown.
Of course, the other thing I've noticed isn't AS sweet or charming. It's that I've been so reluctant to return to normal life that I've let things fall in between the cracks. I had such a system before, pay the bills on this day, shop on this day, laundry on these days, etc. It was a good system, if I do say so myself, and since we've been back from our honeymoon I just. . .haven't. Haven't done really anything other than go back to work. I'm not depressed (I don't think) and I don't really have a good reason or backing for anything other than I haven't felt like it. I'll get home from work and think, "oh. . .doesn't that bill need paid? But there's four episodes of House Hunters on in a row. . .yeah, I'll do that tomorrow. I have time." Insert shame face here, I know. There's no excuse and I get irritated with myself, but often not irritated enough to motivate me. It's been a really strange experience because it's NOT like me. I think part of me thinks that if I resist returning to this part of normal life, there will be a part of me still on our honeymoon. . .or something else equally silly.
I know that I just need to suck it up and be a grown up, already (does it make me sound any better if I tell you that I have, in fact, paid our bills? Even if there's a pile of my clothes that need to be put away. . .baby steps? Please?). I know that I especially need to return to normal for Mr. Palm Tree's sake, who has been going above and beyond and kind of letting me settle back into my post-wedding, post-honeymoon, post-excitement, find-a-new-normal skin.
Tonight, Mr. Palm Tree and I are having a date night. We're going to go to the movies and to dinner and I'll probably cry as I get all mushy about our wedding, now a month behind us, and probably continue to cry as I talk about our future, forever in front of us.
Spill, Hive, and let me know I'm not alone: has anyone else had some not-directly-related-to-depression-or-being-over-it-but-still-strange-and-lackluster-feelings post-wedding?
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