A slice of humble pie: observations about other relationships

I've been writing this post in my head for a while now. I wanted to write it in a way that was honest, but not too mushy-gushy; accurate, but didn't throw other people under the bus. Forgive me for the length - I promise it's worth it for tons of 'about us' goodies. ;) 

Then I realized, the problem was me - well, specifically my super opinionated nature. Whoopsies. 

Jon has been my best friend since we started dating back in 2004. Even during the Year From Hell (also referred to as The Year of Bad Decisions and The Necessary Evil Year - just depends on the mood), we talked daily and spent time together. He is without a doubt one of the truest and best people I have ever encountered. We laugh together, we cry together (seriously, we can't even talk about Toy Story 3 without tears filling our eyes) and we do everything else in between.

personal photo | You may remember that this is also the night we met our DJ. . .

I'm pretty much a what-you-see-is-what-you-get kind of girl. In fact, the Best Man in our wedding once told me, "you get all of Steph within ten minutes of meeting you. . .good or bad, it's all there." To this day, I don't know if I've ever heard a more accurate statement.

So, needless to say, all of the people in my life - and specifically, our wedding party - knows me ridiculously well. Jon, though, knows me in a very intimate, almost intimidating way. I know, I know, it's so cliche to say "he knows me better than I know myself," or even, "we're soulmates." But I'm going to go ahead and jump on board that wagon because for us, it really and truly is the truth. 

Now I know that all couples do not co-exist like this. I know that it is incredibly strange that we (TMI alert!!) have absolutely zero qualms about one of us brushing our teeth while the other is using the bathroom (warned ya). I know that not every girl is super comfortable with her guy sitting on top of her and, well, tooting (. . .or vice versa. Totally guilty). I know that wrestling and de-pantsing in the middle of the living room is not totally kosher (as a side note, MOH Mem is also our roommate and girlfriend deserves major props because she is completely unbothered by all of our shenanigans. She often just cries with tears of laughter and pulls a random quote from our ridiculousness and puts it on Twitter). Truthfully, I cherish how different and ridiculous we are.

However, once I started working at my Big Girl job and be-friending co-workers, I came to notice that not every one considers his/her significant other a BFF. This absolutely befuddled me. Almost everyone I encounter in a relationship lives together (which in this day and age, I think it's almost impossible to have a serious relationship and NOT live together - people have busy ass lives, how would you see your significant other if you didn't share a home?), but not everyone considers their partner a friend. What do you mean, you don't go home and tell your boyfriend/girlfriend about your day? What do you mean that you're upset but you don't vent to your partner? Again, I say: befuddled.

There is no judgement here. In fact, I can say that safely and with a guarantee now only because I had to work through a LOT of judgmental comments in my head as I observed. I just didn't get how this was possible. Of course, because WeddingBee is my freaking obsession, I happened to stumble across this post from blogger Mrs. Seal on a similar topic. An excerpt:

"Mr. Seal and I are a great duo. I know I am seriously biased, but I mean it. Most of our arguments are about the same things (I’m messy, he’s stubborn), but we understand the key to a successful relationship: compromise!"

 Of course, this set my already hyperactive cogs into super action and I started thinking.

source | freaking overdrive, man

Maybe these befuddling couples work together because they made a compromise to not be each other's best friend. I mean, think about it: you (possibly) have sex with this person, you go on dates with this person, you may live with this person. . . maybe it's too much to add on 'gossip with a girlfriend' or 'hang out like a bro' to the list? 

Obviously, I personally cannot fathom this. I cannot fathom not telling Jon everything and vice versa. I cannot fathom not wanting to 'hang out' with Jon. This doesn't mean I don't also treat my friends this way; I have said it before and I will say it again: I have the best friends in the world. Period. I don't know what I'd do without them - they are beyond fabulous and I love them all with every fiber of my being. 

personal photo | how could you NOT love this group of people?*
From left to right: Groomsman Y (also Bridesmaid Y's significant other), Groomsman yet-to-be-nicknamed (sorry!), Best Man, Bridesmaid Blackout, Bridesmaid yet-to-be-nicknamed (sorry again. . .eepies), the Blushing Bride herself, Bridesmaid Y and of course, un-nicknamed Jon.

My friends' awesomeness is undeniable. As I stated before, I am completely and unequivocally myself with each and every one of them. We have ridiculous amounts of fun together and they are always there for me, no questions asked. I love my girls nights, I love dinner dates and go out and get drunk nights with them; I also love my 4pm dinners that turn into stay-and-drink-until-1AM ragers with the Best Man. This isn't me saying that I HAVE TO BE WITH Jon allll of the time and  I won't go out without him; quite the contrary and it's the same for him - we certainly can, and do, exist and live without each other tied to our sides 24/7. It's me saying that with Jon, it's a whole other level and I think it's because we are literally everything a relationship can be - friends, lovers, confidants - all rolled into one.

This is not to say we are perfect. Oh dear Lord, not at all. We fight pretty constantly, but I use the word 'fight' loosely - it's more like we squabble (honestly, mostly about money - he's great with it, but a bit too much of a tightwad whereas I am terrible with it, but I also know how to live. . .ahem) and then one of us will throw something like a roll of toilet paper at the other and it turns into a wrestling (or spray-each-other-with-air-freshener. . .for real) match that dissolves in tears of laughter. Of course we compromise as well, on a daily basis. For any positive relationship to work, it's a must - just like Mrs. Seal said. 

But maybe other couples have compromised the amount of time they spend together in order to make the time they do spend together more meaningful. Maybe it's because Jon and I have known each other all of our lives, and got all of the annoyed hatredness out of the way when we were six and seven, that we are able to happily exist like this. I mean, who knows, maybe WE are the weirdos and other couples are like, "Really? He's your best friend? REALLY?" 

Love, respect, honesty and as the wise Mrs. Seal pointed out, compromise are key components of a successful relationship. Without them, it doesn't matter who your best friend is or how often you look at the dynamic of other couples and wrinkle your nose because it is almost certain that other, larger and more significant issues will arise. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter how you view your significant other, what matters is how you treat him/her.

* Missing from this picture are: Rev Fun, Bridesmaid Badonk (because I cannot think of another nickname at this time, oops), MOH Mem and two of our yet-to-be-nicknamed Groomsmen. Oh, and of course, the Flower Girls. The photo was taken at a bar crawl for Make-A-Wish back near Halloween. They are, quite obviously, included in the mushy gushy love fest I mentioned.