After The Wedding: Growing Together

Hi, Hive. Mrs. Palm Tree excited to be back in action as a participant of the After The Wedding series. This part's prompt focuses on what we've learned and how we're different as a couple as well as individuals since being married.

Mr. Palm Tree and I are almost at exactly a year and a half of marriage - my most recent post was our anniversary post from May. If you're familiar with us, you know that Mr. Palm Tree and I were together for nine years before we were married. It's safe to say that going into marriage, we knew each other for better or worse. 

personal photo | Mr. Palm Tree and I, Halloween '06

The first year of marriage was pretty much like every other year we'd spent together: we laughed, we cried, we went on dates, we maintained our individual lives as well as our lives as a couple. . .nothing out of the ordinary. Sure, we'd refer to each other as "husband" and "wife" in a joking, loving manner because we could but other than that, I wouldn't say anything changed. "How's married life?" people would ask and I'd respond, "same as always." 

Let me clarify: this wasn't something I was sad about or disappointed by, it simply was our lives. I still looked at Mr. PT as my companion, my best friend, my partner, my love. 

And then this summer happened.

To make a long story short: we were thrown some absurd curveballs. We were forced to move - although it was about a month long process that involved courts and many, many phone calls, the final declaration gave us a total of four days to pack and peace.

I won't go into the gory details, Hive, but to say it was like living a nightmare is an understatement. Thankfully we were able to stay with our amazing friends in the interim (first with BM Tiny Dancer & GM Pythagoras, then with Miss Parisian) until we found a place and our lease started in August, however we were doing so living out of garbage bags and tupperware bins. We still had to go to work every day, we still had to maintain our other commitments and we still had to be normal humans for all intent and purposes. . .all while squatting. 

It was during this absolute nonsense that I realized I looked at Mr. Palm Tree differently. It started at the beginning of the process, when I looked at Mr. PT after a particularly bad and harsh bout of news and told him, "I am going to need you to handle this. I cannot be a part of this or I will be a walking mess every second of every day." I was reminded of times that I had experienced much earlier in life, times that I thought were way behind me, and to have such similar issues resurface rocked my world. Mr. Palm Tree did not fight it, did not question it, just told me that it would be okay. And handled it. 

Personal photo | Making the best of one of our temporary homes and exploring the local hangouts.

Throughout the entire summer, he was kind, he was understanding, he was patient (something that I test on my GOOD days, you guys) - he was someone I could count on to deal as I essentially did everything possible to avoid falling to pieces. I wouldn't say I handled it in a healthy way - I spent as much time out and about with my (also incredibly understanding and patient) friends as absolutely possible and essentially avoided everything that could 'set me off', so to speak. I was a mess, but a functional one. . .thanks in large part to Mr. Palm Tree. 

It's safe to say that Mr. Palm Tree was always my rock, of sorts - my calm and steady presence - but I've always been the Decision Maker: the one to make things happen, the planner, the communicator. This summer, though, I was really none of those things and he soundlessly became it all and then some. I remember discussing with some girlfriends that I had begun to look at him in a different light: like my husband.

personal photo | Mr. Palm Tree and I after BM Tiny Dancer's dance show.

I brought this up to Mr. Palm Tree after we were (finally, happily, gratefully) settled in our new place. I explained that he's always been someone I could count on but somewhere over the course of the crazy path we had found ourselves on, he became someone who handled things so that I wouldn't have to. . .a caretaker and protector. He joked that he felt like he grew up over the summer. We both agreed that we were so grateful for each other and our relationship, because if we were different people or our relationship was even the tiniest bit weaker, we would have broken. Instead, we found a way to thrive.

One of my favorite quotes of all time is from American Beauty: "It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself." To you, Lester, I say: it's a great thing when, after a decade, you realize your spouse still has the ability to surprise you and make you fall in love with him all over again.